Established 1997
Welcome to the ASAWA website, associated with the ASAWA Guide to Fil-West Relationships.
ASAWA's mission is to explore Fil-West relationships - those where one partner is a Filipino woman, better known as a "Filipina," and the other partner is a male from a western nation, such as the United States, U.K., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Germany, as well as many others. Hopefully you'll find this exploration both educational and entertaining. ASAWA provides a variety of learning aids, from inexpensive self-help books, such as the ASAWA Guide to Fil-West relationships, to a free, private forum that currently hosts over 650 members from around the world.
Of course, neither the site nor the forum are for
westerners only. Everyone is welcome. The Filipina mystique is not reserved for
foreigners, after all. I've had more than a few Filipino friends (usually 2nd
generation) who find marriage to a Filipina just as wonderful and occasionally
baffling as his western or Japanese counterpart! Needless to say, any Filipina
girlfriend, fiancee, or wife should feel right at home here, also.
For those of you not up on your Tagalog, "Asawa" actually means "spouse," which
can be either a husband or a wife. Here my primary focus is on the husband, of
course. It's pronounced uh (as in "luck") - sau (as in "south") - wa (as in
"was"), with the accent on the second syllable.
For the record, I am not a "matchmaker" and I neither promote nor
condemn any relationship, Fil-West or otherwise. I do, however, discuss
"pen pal" relationships and "mail order brides" as well as the mythology
associated with having an "Asian wife." To the extent that some
visitors might perceive those discussions as biased one way or the other, I can
only say that I do my best to remain neutral, but I won't hesitate to speak my
mind on important subjects.
Also, there is no "adult" material here, and the forum is strictly moderated to
insure civility. The forum is members only, and no foul language, trolling, or
temper tantrums are allowed.
A warning to newcomers: many visitors to this site are discouraged by what
they find. I dispel many myths about Filipinas that other sites tend to
perpetuate. If you find what you read discouraging and decide not to pursue a
relationship with a Filipina - good! Good for you, and good for her, because if
you marry for the wrong reasons, it's only a matter of time before you and your
wife realize you're incompatible. Your marriage wouldn't last. You'd be unhappy
and your unfortunate wife would be even more unhappy, stranded in a foreign land
with a man who fell in love not with her, but with some fantasy-based ideal. The
bottom line is that you can fall in love with an ideal...but you can't marry
one. A Filipina is a human being, with human strengths and human flaws. She is
not an ideal. You'll find that many articles on the website that push that
point.
On the other hand, if you do not find the information in the site discouraging,
but are instead encouraged to learn more about Filipino culture and Fil-West
relationships, you will find I've included many (hopefully) useful articles,
authored by myself and several guest writers. You are also encouraged to join
the forum, where you may ask questions and give advice to others.
As I mentioned before, the site and forum are primarily intended to assist men
in Fil-West relationships. Why the men? Well, it's important to keep in mind
that, when a non-Filipino and Filipina wed, culture shock is not reserved for
the wife alone. Though she is typically required to adapt herself to a new
nation and culture, a Filipina will, of course, want to make her home feel
like...well, like home. Which is to say, a Filipino home. And that means a great
deal of adjustment for the husband. New foods appear in the kitchen and on the
dinner table. New pictures and religious icons appear on the walls. Protestants
find themselves attending Catholic services. Numerology, superstitions, and
dreams become common topics of conversation. And all but the most stubborn
husbands will find themselves saying "O-o" and "Hindi" and "Salamat!" Etc.
This presents a problem. The husband is not Filipino, yet he is immersed in
Filipino culture. He often finds himself fascinated with the Philippines and all
things Filipino, yet his own friends, relatives, and co-workers know little or
nothing about the island nation or its culture. On the other hand, he may feel
unqualified to post messages in Filipino discussion groups and might even feel a
little intrusive when visiting Filipino websites. Not Filipino, but not quite as
"uni-cultural" as he was before his marriage, the foreign husband of a
Filipina doesn't have many places to discuss his rather unique disposition.
That's why I created both the site and forum. Here, all of us "cultural hybrids"
can openly discuss our wives (or husbands), the Philippines, and current events
that concern us (the peso rate, VFA, etc.). Hope it's of some value to you.
- Bob Lingerfelt, webmaster and forum wizard