The “Average” Fil-West Couple: A Composite 

So, what is the average Fil-West couple like?  By combining the polling data of three polls (two of my own, and one conducted by a researcher for the Immigration and Naturalization Service), I came up with a rough model of such a pair. I then took that statistical model and fleshed it out by giving our hypothetical couple certain characteristics that are almost ubiquitous in Fil-West relationships (that ubiquity being based on the recurrence of certain observations, themes, or complaints of ASAWA site and forum visitors).   

Obviously, the odds are that the composite couple below will fail to perfectly mirror any real, breathing pair of human beings.  Statistics and averages can be misleading.  For example, I’ve yet to meet an American couple with 2.5 children, though the Census Bureau once reported that such couples were the norm...   

Joe and Rose 

Joe is a 37-year-old American.  He’s white, Protestant, has a job in a metropolitan area that pays above the national average, and has a better education than his peers.  He’s been married once, but that marriage ended in divorce.  Because of his previous unhappy marriage, and his relatively conservative philosophy (he’s especially uncomfortable with modern feminist movement), he’s decided to pursue a relationship with a Filipina.  He has elected to investigate a Filipina wife because he’s heard that the women of the Philippines are more traditional and family-oriented than the women of his own country.  Joe hopes to wed such a Filipina, and to start a “traditional” family.   

To locate a Filipina desirous of marriage to a westerner, he decides to rely primarily on a correspondence service (“mail order bride” company), though he also frequents a few Internet chat rooms and bulletin boards geared toward Fil-West introductions.  He writes several Filipinas and finds more than one woman whom he likes who also seems to like him.  Most of the Filipinas he writes are from the Visayas, though quite a few are from Central or Southern Luzon.  Only a handful are from Mindanao.     

Eventually Joe decides to visit a girl named Rose from the Visayas.  Rose is a fervent Catholic who is nevertheless open to marriage to a non-Catholic so long as he is a “God fearing” and loving man.  She is 25 years old, has no children and has not been previously married.  She submitted her name and address to a correspondence service because some of her friends had done so previously, and at least one of them is now married to a westerner and living abroad.  Though she has heard rumors that some Filipinas are abused or even murdered by westerners, she believes that, in general, western men are less abusive than the men from her own country.  She thinks westerners are handsome (some look like movie stars) and she’s certain that they are better prepared financially to provide for her, her future children, and her family.   

After months of phone calls and letters, Joe pays a visit to Rose and her family in the Philippines.  He stays with her and her family and spends about a hundred dollars a day during his trip.  He and Rose are initially chaperoned almost everywhere they go by a female friend or relative.  Then Joe proposes, and Rose accepts, and they are allowed to travel about on their own.  At this point they will begin a sexual relationship.   

They marry in the Philippines in a church ceremony (Note that this is a very tough call – statistically, there’ a very narrow gap between church ceremonies in the Philippines and civil ceremonies in the Philippines or the husband’s homeland; the only unlikely method is a religious wedding in the husband’s homeland, which faired poorly in both polls).  The ceremony, reception, etc., will run around $2,500.00.  

Following the ceremony, Joe flies home and petitions to have Rose immigrate to the United States.  The immigration process is long and frustrating, and Joe occasionally wishes that he’d waited to marry Rose in the U.S. and applied for a fiancée visa instead of a spousal visa, since there’s a shorter wait time required for the former. But Rose’s family wanted to attend the wedding, so he feels that, ultimately, he made the right decision. Joe runs up a large phone bill and gets very upset with the Immigration and Naturalization Service, which he has grown to think of as an unnecessary bureaucratic obstacle to his and his wife’s happiness.  He considers writing a Senator to complain about his treatment by the INS and eventually joins an online community for Fil-West couples to share his concerns and seek assistance.   

Ten months after he first submitted his petition, Joe gets word that Rose’s visa has been approved.  Rose flies to the United States and meets Joe at the airport, from which the couple travels home to begin their new lives. 

Rose and Joe experience a wonderful honeymoon followed by a rather awkward adjustment phase.  Both of them have unrealistic expectations of their new life, and it takes a few months before they catch their stride as a pair.  Rose initially misses the Philippines and her family there, and Joe is troubled by Rose’s homesickness.  After awhile, though, Rose gets used to her new environment.  She makes new friends (some of them Filipino) and redecorates Joe’s dive, that decoration including a few images of the Virgin Mary. Though Joe and Rose have different religious faiths, they attend one another’s churches together.  Joe is inclined to convert to Catholicism, though Rose is a steadfast Catholic who can’t imagine converting to Protestantism.  

Joe learns where the nearest Asian food store is located and begins buying rice in 50 pound bags.    He develops a taste for many of the Filipino dishes that Rose cooks, though she also tries her hand at American cooking.  Baking is new to her, since she’s never owned an oven before, and it takes awhile before she’s perfectly comfortable with things like dishwashers, microwaves, food processors, juicers, etc.  Even though she has learned to appreciate washing machines and dryers, she continues to wash certain articles of clothing by hand.     

Joe and Rose send money to their family in the Philippines on a monthly basis via Western Union.  The average transfer is $150.00, though their total yearly bill, including gifts, comes in at around $2,400.00.  Most of this money they send is intended to buy food, pay bills, and to cover the school expenses (uniforms, tuition, supplies) of a handful of nieces and nephews. 

In the second year of their marriage, one of Rose’s brothers, “Jun”, requests money to purchase a trike or Jeepney, or alternatively, enough money to open a sari-sari store (mini-market).  Rose’s aging mother needs money for medical expenses and hints at wanting to build a new house, or at least add to her existing one.  Joe and Rose have many discussions about the amount of money that should be sent, and there is the occasional argument.  Sometimes Joe wants to be more generous, and sometimes Rose does, but usually they are in agreement and money is not a serious issue.  Though Joe’s is the primary source of income, Rose takes on a part time job.  She manages the family budget and ensures the bills are paid on time.   

Joe and Rose never divorce.  Though they face some difficult times together, they are content during most of their marriage.  Joe briefly entertains the notion of moving to the Philippines and starting up a business, but is dissuaded by other Americans who have already investigated the possibility and found it lacking.  Still, he thinks that the Philippines might be a decent place to retire, and Rose is tentatively supportive of the idea.     

All original materials on this website (www.asawa.org, www.filipinawives.com) are copyrighted by the author, Bob Lingerfelt, 1997 -2007  with materials on file at the U.S. Copyright Office.  No reproduction is authorized, in any form, without express permission of the author.