Sources of
Conflict in Fil-West Marriages
No
marriage is perfect, obviously. The high divorce rate in many western nations
is a good indicator of that. In fact, the most western men who marry Filipinas
do so with the belief that Fil-West marriages are more resilient than most, and
less likely to end in divorce. Statistics would seem to bear that out, since
Fil-West unions have close to an 80% success rate, which is much higher, for
example, than the American average.
Still,
Fil-West marriages have ups and downs, like all other marriages. Husbands and
wives, each with their own passions and philosophies, are prone to argue from
time to time over various matters, some little and some big. A Filipina and
her western husband are likely to argue over some things that are unique to
Fil-West relationships, however. There are a few sources of conflict that tend
to recur in Fil-West relationships, which I’ve dutifully listed below. While
you may not encounter all of these incendiary issues, odds are you’ll run up
against at least one of them.
1.
Sending money to the Philippines: You’ll both have to decide early on how much
money, if any, you will send to the Philippines. Most Filipinas believe it is
morally imperative that they help support their families in the Philippines. If
you agree, there’s less likely to be a problem, but even then you may disagree
with your wife about how the money is being spent. You may intend it to be used
for repairs to a house, for example, only to learn it was spent on school
clothes. You’ll need to decide whether they money is a flat gift, to be spent
as needed, even own luxuries, or whether the money is a conditional allowance,
to be spent only on those items you and your wife agree on. If the money is
spent on other things, will you cut the allowance off? Also, her family may or
may not request funds in addition to what you would normally send. If so, do
you send it always, never, or upon condition?
2. Your
relationship with your families: Problems may arise if your wife thinks that
your relationship to her family, or even your own, is lacking. Filipinas are
family-oriented, and may be much more eager to assist your family in getting
things done than even you are. If you have a bad relationship with family
members, that could be a problem. Also, she will expect you to facilitate a
good relationship with your in-laws.
3.
Competition with neighbors: Some Filipinas are competitive. It’s all about
pride, really. If your wife wants a new car, it might be because she hates the
old car, or it might be because all your neighbors and friends have better
cars. If you find yourself with such a lady, and you’re the thrifty type, you
may have some issues.
4.
Superstitions: Some Filipinas prefer folk cures to medicine, and superstitious
presumptions to logic. This will frustrate men with analytical minds who trust
science. If your wife is sick and refuses to take a prescription medication,
but instead relies on some magical talisman that wards off curses, how will you
handle the situation?
5.
Religion: If you are Catholic, this is probably a non-issue for you. But if
you’re not Catholic…
(End
of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering
The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West
Relationships. Thank you!)