Social
Situations
So you’re planning your first
trip to the Philippines to meet a gal you’ve been talking to on the phone,
writing letters to, maybe chatting with on the Internet. And you’re wondering
what, exactly, you two are supposed to do while you’re together. What are the
expectations? The limits? What do Filipinos do for a good time? How should
you behave?
Okay, here’s a likely
scenario:
You’ll arrive at the airport
and your friend plus at least one of her friends or relatives will meet you
there. As a rule, Filipinas rarely travel alone, and when they choose their
escorts they will usually choose female friends or sisters or cousins.
Filipinos are very hospitable people, so don’t be surprised if you’re greeted
with the kind of cheers and smiles that an astronaut might expect after blowing
up an asteroid that was hurtling toward earth. Sure, you spent most of the past
12 hours reading in-flight magazines while gulping down peanuts, but we’re all
heroes in our own ways, right?
Odds are you’ll continue your
travels to her home from the airport, though a few couples actually stay at a
hotel that first night. If you stay at a hotel, 99% of the time you should
expect to sleep quite apart from your girlfriend, though there are always those
statistical aberrations, aren’t there? Anyway, once you make it to the girl’s
home, you might find yourself surrounded by family or friends intent on checking
you out. Sure, they’re all smiles and laughter and idle conversation, but
you’re being inspected, have no illusions about that. You, in turn, should
smile and laugh and talk and behave with as much humility as you can muster.
I’m not saying that you should pretend to be someone you’re not. I’m just
saying that, if you have a happy, humble side, this would be a great time to
show it off.
If you’re meeting mom and dad,
be very, very respectful. Find something nice to say about their home or
surroundings, even if you really have to get creative to do so. If they live in
a tiny hut on the side of a smoldering volcano, for example, you should point
out that they have a beautiful view of a volcano (try to do this without looking
frightened, if you can).
Bring along some small gifts.
Nothing fancy or expensive. An expensive gift might embarrass the recipient,
and you really don’t want to embarrass a Filipino because it’s almost impossible
to undo the damage once that happens. The best gifts are simple ones that are
unique to your home, though that’s not always feasible. Ask your girlfriend for
suggestions before you travel. By the way, don’t be surprised if a wrapped gift
goes unopened. Many Filipinos prefer opening gifts in privacy. Sooner or
later, they’ll let you know they opened the gift, and they’ll thank you for it.
Be prepared to answer
questions about your hometown, family, career, and education. Smile while
you’re talking and don’t cross your arms. I’d also highly recommend that you
avoid holding hands with your girlfriend at this early stage. In fact, avoid
touching her at all, if you can. There’s little harm in playing it safe.
Perhaps her father and mother are rather liberal minded and wouldn’t mind you
two holding hands. But how can you know that for sure? It won’t kill you to
keep your hands to yourself for a little while, mister!
If you go out into the village
or city, expect to be stared at. This happens more in small villages than in
larger cities. If you are white, tall, bearded, or blond or red headed, you
will be stared at more than if you were short, clean cut with a dark
complexion. Don’t worry about it. The folks around you are just curious and
don’t mean to be rude. You may find yourself followed by children or beggars,
or children who are beggars, or old women who are beggars. In which case, my
suggestion is that you let your girlfriend or chaperone take care of things. If
they tell you to hand out a few pesos, do so. If they tell you to keep walking,
do so. They will be intimately familiar with such situations and will know what
to do.
When you travel with your
girlfriend, expect a chaperone to tag along. As mentioned earlier, that’s
pretty much the norm, and it serves many purposes. A chaperone can protect a
girl from a lewd or unsavory predator, which you might be, for all the girl’s
family knows. A chaperone also protects the honor of the girl by merely being
there, since a chaperoned couple is less likely to get physically intimate.
Finally, the chaperone eases tension by playing the proverbial “third wheel”.
She (chaperones are almost always females) can chat away with you or your
girlfriend and prevent awkward silences, for example, or she might suggest
places to go. In other words, don’t resent a chaperone. Don’t think that her
existence implies you are perceived as particularly untrustworthy. The chaperone
would be there no matter whom your girlfriend was dating. It’s just how things
are done. And there will come a day when a chaperone will simply fail to
materialize, at which point you can spend time alone with the person you came to
see.
What do
Filipinas like to do on date?
(End
of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering
The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West
Relationships. Thank you!)